Fake

How can people be so fake? Oh wait, I know because that used to be me. Hiding behind the shell of our body. No one will ever know, right? Wrong. God searches our hearts. He knows.  He doesn't care if you're good, bad, ugly, etc. Somehow we feel the need to hide our true colors to portray a picture of a "perfect" person. Some people are better than others at this. Don't you think after a while it is taxing on the body?  I wish I had the magical ability to turn people into a porcelain doll who I knew were hiding behind a mask. I would then take a hammer and smash their shell. Their real self would then be revealed. They would realize it was a liberating feeling and now they could be the real person God intended them to be. Some people have intuitions and can tell who these fakes are. That person would say that it's sometimes a blessing and a curse. To find out loved ones are completely fake is a curse. To find out your loves ones are completely true to you no matter what is a blessing. What happened to compassionate, loving, caring, supportive, happy, true, bubbly, positive, patient, kind, forgiving, uplifting people? Maybe they are there, just selective to whom they treat this way. That's Christ-like, isn't it? Haha wow. Don't you know that even Jesus hung out with prostitutes and tax collectors and treated them better than the so called "religious" people did? I know I'm not perfect, have screwed up, and haven't portrayed all of these at all times. I'm thankful that His mercies are new every morning.

 I will guard my heart and continue to put all my hope and faith into Jesus, not faulty men on this earth. Despite the fakes, I will continue to love them as Christ does for us. Christ doesn't want us to have to live up to a list of 230108 peoples rules and regulations. He wants us to put our faith in Him. Hence, I don't want people to have expectations of me that I have to follow 2342234874 of their rules. I don't need to do what you think is right. You don't need to do what I think is right. We are all different. We all make mistakes. No one here on this earth is perfect. No one will ever be able to be perfect and follow a list of do this or that. They will try, and fail. But when they fail they will try and hide it because they feel shameful. Which we know doesn't always end well. The truth will always be known. If not by man, God knows it all. But God! He doesn't give a crap about any of that.  He wants us to love Him and trust in him 100%. It's one thing to say we trust Him, it's another to actually put your trust in Him and live a life that is pleasing to HIM.  Not you. I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I have to please God. After all, He is all that matter and why I am here. 

I have to admit that I have sinned. Confess your sins to one another, right?  The famous scripture; treat others the way you want to be treated. I twisted that and actually thought that I should treat the people the way they treat me. I took that amazing scripture out of context. I should have been treating them the way I would want to be treated, not the way they treated me. You should never stoop down to someone's level like that. Some people will never be able to admit they sinned. Isn't that ironic?

One day every knee will bow and confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. I can't wait for that day and I pray everyday Jesus, come quickly. Maybe if everyone starting calling out to God and pray for him to come quickly, He would. But there are people who don't want that, because they want to continue to stay on this earth and do their own wills and ways. Sound familiar? Yep that's right, there are stories in the Bible of people who did this.

This post has been completely random and out of no where. I was reading some of my daily blogs and happen to log in to mine and start blogging. I let my fingers type what needed to be typed.  Your way is not right and my way is not right.  The only way that is right is through our Heavenly Father. All He wants is for us to put our faith in Him and share the beautiful news of Jesus Christ with others. If you haven't given your life to Christ and are reading this. Please do. Please pick up a Bible and read it every day. If only for 5 minutes, you will hear God speak to you, I promise. It doesn't matter where you come from, what you've done, what you think you're going to do. Your life is a mess just like everyone else's and guess what? God is working with you through your beautiful mess so that He may be glorified, not others. 

Good reads and references:

^{Ephesians 2: 8} For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast.

^{Luke 6: 31 [a]}Treat others the same way you want ^[b]them to treat you.

^{Revelation 22:20} He who testifies to these things says, “Yes, I am coming soon.”
Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.

 ^{Matthew 9:10} While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. ¹¹ When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”
¹² On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. ¹³ But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’^[a] For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
  
^{1 John 1:8} If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. ¹⁰ If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.
  
 ^{1 John 2: 7} Dear friends, I am not writing you a new command but an old one, which you have had since the beginning. This old command is the message you have heard. ⁸ Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and in you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining.
⁹ Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister^[d] is still in the darkness. ¹⁰ Anyone who loves their brother and sister^[e] lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. ¹¹ But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.

 ^{Luke 7:36} When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. ³⁷ A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. ³⁸ As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.
³⁹ When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”
⁴⁰ Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”
“Tell me, teacher,” he said.
⁴¹ “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,^[a] and the other fifty. ⁴² Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”
⁴³ Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”
“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.
⁴⁴ Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵ You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. ⁴⁶ You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. ⁴⁷ Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
⁴⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”
⁴⁹ The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”
⁵⁰ Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

^{John 3:16} For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  

Until next time,

Shayna

Love lifted me

My heart is so warmed by people who have a desire to help others out. Especially those who are going through difficult times in their lives as well. That shows what a true Christian is like. Helping out to comfort those who are in need no matter what. That is exactly what Jesus did when he walked the Earth. Even as He was walking to be crucified, he was telling people that it was okay and all would be well. Wow. My heart hurts from missing mom so terribly, but is warmed and comforted by people who are wanting to do something to help us during this difficult time. 

One of Mom's favorite songs and the one that my mother-in-law sang after her memorial service was called "Love lifted me." The love of God is what is truly getting me through this, as well as the love of others. Part of the chorus says "when nothing else could help, love lifted me" and that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. God's love and the love being shown by others is what is lifting me and comforting me. You really know how much people care when someone is going through the most difficult time of their life.

I have so much peace right now in my soul even though I miss Mom more than I can even take at times. As I sit here looking out the window and watch the most beautiful unusual glistening snow flakes fall I am reminded of three things: how beautiful life is and to never take it for granted, how beautiful and peaceful one's death can be and how even more beautiful and precious my Mom's passing is to our Heavenly Father, and most comforting that Mom is still here with me and watching over us :) Oh, how He loves us!!!!!

Thank you Jesus, to God be the glory forever and ever.

~Shayna

Wishes do come true

As most of you know from previous posts, Mom's last wish was to be buried back home at the Bellsville Cemetery in Indiana next to her Grandma and Grandpa. She never thought this would be possible because she resided in Sacramento, California. When I got the phone call on October 28th that she was in the hospital and I needed to come ASAP I also was told that she had agreed to cremation because of living and cost situation. (I knew from our previous talks that she wanted nothing more than to be buried back home in Indiana). I could not allow this to happen. This was one wish that had to be granted. Tyler and I talked and decided that we were going to create an account with GiveForward for her and hope and pray for the best. When I arrived at the hospital the conversation was brought up right away. I told Mom that I wouldn't allow that to happen and that we would get her back to Indiana and her wish would come true. She looked at me in amazement with big eyes and said "really? how?" I told her about the account and she repeated over and over "really Shayna? really Oche?" She was so happy! Each time there was a new donation we would tell her right away and she lit up the room with excitement! She would ask if this was really happening. It was incredible to see such joy on her face. She was so thankful for everyone that was donating. When we had enough funds from GiveForward and from family and friends to ensure that we could get her back to Indiana she cried and cried. She couldn't believe it was happening. Without you all and your love, support, generosity, and prayers this would not have been possible. We would not have been able to fly her home and have a beautiful viewing and memorial service for her. Her wish came true today.

My heart was seriously warmed by friends and family I was surrounded with and by others who I knew were thinking about Mom and wishing they could be with us while she was being laid to rest. I have two words to sum up how her memorial service was: beautiful and peaceful. Just like her passing. Everything was perfect, just the way she would have wanted it to be. It was a very difficult day to have to say our final goodbye's here on earth, but it helped being surrounded by our loved ones and knowing that many many others were thinking and praying for us on this day. The view of the cemetery was breathtaking. Even though it was a cold day, the clouds were beautiful, and the sun was shining. Oche opened the service by reading a letter that she wrote to Mom. Pastor Douglas did a magnificent job talking about her and describing her favorite scriptures. I have to mention that during this time a sound caught my attention. I listened intently and it was the soft cooing of a dove. I nudged Oche and Tyler and told them to listen. They acknowledged that they heard it as well. As soon as Pastor Douglas finished his remarks the dove stopped and never made another sound. This was incredible. I know that happened for a very special reason. Mom was showing us that she was there with us.  Doves symbolize peace and that's exactly what we were experiencing the whole time. What a miraculous moment! Uncle Tom talked about precious memories and read a letter that I wrote her. Bro. Douglas closed with the committal and a peaceful prayer. So thankful we have the promise that we will get to see her again someday.  We were getting ready to leave the cemetery, but Oche and I decided we wanted to stay to watch Mom be lowered to the ground. It was such a inspirational moment to know that this is where she wanted to be when her time here on earth was finished.

After the service we gathered at Family Life and Worship Center for a reception. A huge thank you to everyone who made that possible. Great food and fellowship. The tables were decorated cute and the food was delicious.  What a blessing! It was such a wonderful and special time being with our loved ones and celebrating such a radiant life. I loved how everyone mentioned that mom was so special to them and was remembered by always having a smile on her face and being so positive. Mom had asked if my mother in law would sing and Oche as well. Tyler and my father in law played the guitar while Carol Ann sang Love Lifted Me and Oche sang Consider the Lilies. Those were mom's favorite songs. During these songs my heart was so touched and happy. These were two of the songs we sang to mom in her final days as well as during her final minutes. I can picture the biggest smile on her face and enjoying hearing Oche and Carol Ann sing so beautifully. I will cherish those moments forever!

 

 I'm thankful we have such peace and comfort from our Heavenly Father. He loves us all so much and doesn't want us to be heartbroken because he called one of his precious saints home. I will never forget the peace I felt after a friend sent me this scripture to read after her passing. Psalms 116:15~ "Precious in the sight of The Lord is the death of his saints." This whole journey that Mom went through was all planned out according to His will for her life. Only he knew when her time here on earth would be over. This is not the end, it is just the beginning for my Mother.  To God be all of the glory for everything He has done. He is good. All the time. No matter what!

Attached is the program that Tyler Bonney made for Mom. Absolutely beautiful! Thank you so much my love!

Don't ever forget that Jesus loves you! And don't be afraid to tell others. You may never know what difference it will make in someone's life.  :)

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,                                                                                                                         Nov. 22, 13

I just realized that this will be my last letter to you. We have wrote many to each other throughout the years. It made my day whenever I would see that I received a letter in the mail from you.  Your physical body is no longer with us here on earth, but you are talked about every single day. There isn't an hour that goes by where I don't think about you or see something that reminds me of you. I know you are still with me, there is no doubt about that. The morning after you peacefully passed away, CJ and I went on a walk as soon we woke up. On our way back to the house, something in the middle of the road caught my eye. I waited for cars to pass and then I walked towards it. What I saw was the biggest leaf I've ever seen. I walked back over to CJ and he couldn't believe it. We looked around for the tree of which this leaf came from and there was no tree around that had this kind of leaf. CJ and I knew that it was from you. You always loved to go on walks with us and your grandchildren while looking at all the beautiful flowers, trees, and birds around. That was one of your favorite things to do.  Last year, when you stayed with Ty, the girls and I for a few days, we went on a walk to the park. There was a big hill that lead up to more park areas and a walking trail. You saw that hill and wanted to walk up it. I thought you were crazy, but you talked me into it! I will never forget that walk. Even though I knew you were in pain, you never complained once and smiled the whole way there and back. You truly lived each day to its fullest. 
I loved how every time the girls and I would be on a walk, you would just happen to call during that exact same time, even with the three hour time difference. I loved how hands on you were with the girls and the rest of your grandchildren. I loved how positive you always were and uplifting to me and everyone else you came in contact with. You were the first person I would call for advice, and your advice would always be the right thing to do. You were always praying for me and my family. Not just praying, but on your knee's praying.  I loved how you would ask me if I loved Tyler more than the day before, and yes Mom, I do. Thank you for praying for my husband years before I would even meet him. We both know that God sent me Tyler and it was the answer to your prayers all those years. You love him so much. You did the same thing with Oche and He answered your prayer and sent along, Nap, whom you love very much as well. Thank you for always loving me no matter what. You saw the good, the bad, and the ugly. With your life I know you would say you didn't always live in a way that was pleasing to God, but you were so thankful he never stopped loving you through it all and was faithful to forgive you.  You most definitely showed us and others what it was like to be a true Christian. You never failed to tell us and every one else that, "Jesus loves you," with a smile on your face.  I always thought it was embarrassing, but when I would see the reaction and smile on those people's faces, I knew there was nothing to be embarrassed about. That is our mission here on earth to share the good news of Jesus Christ, and yes He loves us all so much and wants nothing more than for us to accept him and have a personal relationship with Him. I can hear God saying to you, "Well done my good and faithful servant." When you smiled and took your last breath, you were the most beautiful angel I'd ever seen. I never knew one's death could make them look so radiantly beautiful. Your beauty is forever embedded in my brain and I know that's how you are going to look when I see you again. 
It was 8 years ago that you dedicated your life back to Christ and I know that's the best thing you ever did. God gave you so much love, peace joy, happiness, and laughter in your life. I found a letter that I wrote to you after you shared that information with me. I was so excited and thanked you because I knew we would be able to pick back up and move forward with our relationship. These 8 years have been absolutely wonderful and I'm so thankful we were able to share them together. God knows our lives from the beginning to the end and he planned everything according to His plan and purpose in your life. Not what we may have wanted, but the way He wanted it. Everything happens for a reason, even though sometimes we do not understand. There is nothing like trusting in Him. He is the only one who can give us such perfect peace and comfort.
There are no words to express how thankful I am for all the beautiful memories I have of you. I would be typing for days if not months if I could mention them all. I will cherish each and every one, and continue sharing them with my family and others. You are no longer here on earth with us, but you live on in our hearts and precious memories.  I miss your beautiful face, smile, and voice. You were an amazing daughter, sister, mother and an even more amazing grandmother. I love you so much more than you'll ever know and I miss you even more. I am looking forward to the day I get to see you again in Heaven. XOXO
Love, Shayna

iPhone breakup!

My iPhone and I had been secretly struggling for a couple of months now.  I kept wanting to break it off, but felt like it wasn't the right timing, or something. In reality, it was just me being selfish and wanting to ignore Gods voice. Literally this was a daily struggle with my thoughts. I knew what I needed to do, but didn't want to face the "heartbreak." Did you know that you can seriously be IN LOVE with your phone?  It's true- there are studies that have been done (New York Times-link below). You think of it as a companion, a loyal friend, someone you can trust, and someone/thing you can't live without. You feel anxious when it's not around. You want to go crazy when you leave your house and realize it's not in arms reach. You get upset when you can't get to it right away. You'd rather be in a room with your phone than interacting with others in real life. You never want to be without it. These are actual real feelings that some people have towards their phone. These are real feelings that I had towards my phone. 

A couple of days ago I happen to come across a blog. The name of the blog is "Hands Free Mama." At first, I was like oh that sounds cool, but when I started to read what she was all about I couldn't believe it! Everything that I was reading made total since. I was living in the present, but not living the moments. This made me incredibly sad. I realized I have missed several moments of my life for the past 3 years. Most importantly, moments with my husband and daughters. Guilt hit me really strong after reading some of this lady's posts. I kept having flashbacks of where I would be with my girls, and they would be wanting my attention, but my phone was more important. After researching, I now know that this has a negative affect on my children, as well as you who have access to any type of smart phone. When your children see you on your phone, and not interacting with them, they honestly feel like they aren't worthy or important enough for your love and attention. That broke my heart. Right. In. Half. I began to recall times I've been at the park, mall, amusement parks, homes, etc. and I've seen parents/friends on their cell phone while their kids are trying to talk to them and I thought wow that is ridiculous why are they doing that? Oh, but he who has no sin cast the first stone, right? Yeah smack dab in the face, Shayna. You do the same thing. Your beautiful daughters have wanted your attention, but you had more important things to do on your phone. You ignored them and made them feel insufficient. What a great parent. A Godly example, right? 

Just an added bonus to this is that instead of being on my phone, I'm thinking about God more, I pray more, I read more of his Word. Pretty much nothing better than that! My iPhone has personally kept me from doing those things, which I should have been doing on a daily basis, not just whenever I happen to think about it. Now I have time to think on what is pure and good, all the time. It's amazing, I tell ya!
Proverbs 4:8 "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

Also, I do understand that there are some people out there who have an unsurpassable amount of self control and don't have any of these issues. Or, just don't have any interest in being in engaged in this type of technology.  That is wonderful. I wish I had that, but I don't. If you're one of those people, kudos to you. If you put others before your technology, high-five.
 
I love the quality time I am spending with Ty and the girls now. It feels so good, I feel like I am back to the basics now. I've missed that. All that matters in this life is being a follower of Christ. I'm pretty sure Jesus never would have had an iPhone attached to his hip. He had better, more important things to do and accomplish. Now I can say I have better things I have to do! I can tell you that since the breakup I have felt like a weight has been lifted from me. I have felt nothing but goodness. I have felt real love. I no longer feel anxious like I'm missing out on something. I feel like I am living in the moment with my little family now and that is most important to me. I'm thankful that we serve a loving and forgiving God. That same forgiveness is what I need from my girls. I can't tell them I'm sorry enough. What an amazing feeling it is to get that forgiveness and know that I don't have to live that same way anymore.

 Thank you God for opening my eyes and helping me to see this wonderful change I needed to make in my life. Thank you for giving me a peace that was much needed and leading me in the right path. I pray that this will help others who are feeling the same, and have been wanting to breakup, but not sure how.  Proverbs 4: 10 My child, listen to me and do as I say, and you will have a long, good life. 11 I will teach you wisdom's ways and lead you in straight paths. 12 If you live a life guided by wisdom, you won't limp or stumble as you run. 13 Carry out my instructions; don't forsake them. Guard them, for they will lead you to a fulfilled life. 

In Jesus name, Amen.

Phones anonymous, anyone????

Read this now:  In love with your iPhone 

P.S. If you see my out with my flip phone, don't make fun! :D 

Until next time,

A proud non iPhone owner!

All things pink and lovely!

Hello my dear readers!

It's been 2 weeks today (that was when I started this post- now "Karly" is almost 6 months old..shows you how much time I have on my hands-hah!) since Scarlet Grace entered this world! She was born August 4th, 2012 at 7:39am. She weighed 8 pounds 5 ounces and was 20 3/4 inches long!  I want to take some time to post about how my whole labor and delivery experience went. It was a lot different than with Kierra that's for sure! I wanted so bad to go all natural with Kierra, but circumstances prevented that from happening. This time it happened!!!! Some people say I'm crazy, but honestly I am thankful that I was able to experience giving birth without any pain medication. It wasn't as bad as some people make it out to be (or maybe it is, but you totally forget about it once that beautiful baby is placed on your chest!) It is definitely do able if you put your mind to it!!  Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all pickles and ice cream,  at 9 cm I was telling my husband I wanted a c-section right then and there just to get the baby out!

 Alas, here is the birthing story! It's a long one, but I had a long labor and delivery!  It all started on a Friday. I had my 38 week check up with Dr. Salazar. I was 4cm dilated! I was shocked. I had some minor cramping, but nothing more than that for a couple of days. He told me it was time to go to the hospital. I was also having some funky high blood pressure issues.  I asked him if it was okay to go home and get things ready and he said sure, just to be at the hospital between noon and 1 ( I had left his office around 1030). As soon as I walked out of the office I had a small breakdown! So many thoughts were going through my head. I couldn't believe it was actually go time. There was no turning back now. The main thought going through my head was that Kierra wouldn't be the only child anymore. I was scared of how she was going to react with the new little one! I knew once she saw the baby everything would be okay though. It was just a few minutes to sit and cry and realize she wasn't going to be getting all of my attention anymore. I wondered how it would be having to take care of a newborn and a needy two year old. After I got my act together I called Tyler and told him to head home in about an hour and that we would head to the hospital as soon as he got home! He was shocked, but very excited! He could hardly concentrate on what he was working on, so his boss told him to leave! I made a few more phone calls and  headed home to finish packing some last minute things and took a shower!

Go time!

We got to the hospital right before 1. We got all checked in and nothing too exciting happened for a few hours. We walked, walked, walked, walked, did I mentioned that we walked and walked some more!?!? We had friends and family come and visit...and yes, they walked with me!! That was really nice. However, I wish Kiki could have stayed with us the whole time even though that's not realistic. I missed her so much. A huge thank you to everyone who came and supported us!  Don't know what I would've done with you all.  

Kiki visits mommy & daddy!

 The contractions were getting stronger and closer together. I didn't have to stop and take a break or anything during them. Hours and hours went by. Around 8pm I was 7cm. Back to walking, walking, and walking some more. I wasn't allowed to leave the maternity floor so the scenery was the same the whole time. I remember getting frustrated because I wasn't dilating past 7cm. Also, my nurse kept saying that the baby's head needed to come down and it wasn't happening. I forgot to mentioned Dr. Salazar broke my water around 4 or 5 pm..can't remember the exact timing. Not much happened after that. The contractions didn't increase or get worse like we thought they would. Around midnight the nurse called Salazar. By this point I was over walking, but kept doing it because I did NOT want pitocin. Anyone who has had pitocin feel free to leave a comment telling me how much you despise it. It intensifies any contractions you've ever felt times a million. Horrible..horrible...horrible. Salazar suggested I be put on pitocin, but the nurse and I thought the walking would be enough. A couple of hours past and I was at 8cm but her head was still not coming down like it should. She mentioned that she could feel a stool there that needed to come out. Long story short about that mess. I had a suppository and it didn't do anything. Skip ahead to 4am and Salazar said he needed to come in and see what was going on with me. He said he thought for sure I would've had her on Friday.  As soon as he got there he said I needed to be put on pitocin right away because at this point my contractions went to a crazy 7 minutes apart. Immediately, the contractions started to become close together again. The first hour wasn't horrible, but after that I was in so much pain I didn't even know what to do with myself. All I wanted to do was tense up and die! My nurse was a God send. She is attending school to be a midwife and is all about natural births. She was my angel in that room for sure. I kept telling her I didn't need anything, but clearly she could tell I was out of my mind! She decided to bring me in some heating pads, which comforted me a little and then said a prayer for me which was so awesome and comforting and gave me the courage I needed to get through the rest of the labor and delivery!  Around 630 I had so much pain that the story book breathing was out the window and I had no idea how I was going to do this. It was too late for any pain medicine, which was probably good because my plan was to not have any! Oh boy, but believe me I was demanding them!  A little before 7 I was pounding my fist on my forehead thinking I was really not going to be able to handle this. A little after 7 I'm standing up assisted by my nurse and hubby as they were helping me sway side to side during the contractions..which were non stop..no break for the weary. I would have loved having even 10 seconds in between them, but that just wasn't happening. Also a little after 7 the new shift nurse came in which I was SO happy to see because she was the nurse I had with Kierra!! I LOVED LOVED LOVED her and was secretly hoping I would have her again, but God knew I needed the nurse I currently had. When the nurse came in she saw that we were all in our own little world so she just stayed in front of us and let the other nurse keep helping me. About 720 it was all I could do to stand up, but lying in bed was way worse. Standing up I was able to relax a little bit and not be so tense. The new nurse that had come in was standing in front of us right by the pitocin pump and with tears I asked her to please turn the pitocin down. She pretended to turn it down (later on she told me she didn't turn it down because they aren't allowed to turn it up or down without a drs order). Seconds after that I felt so much flippin pressure and the worst pain of all and I couldn't stand anymore so I slowly sat down on the edge of the bed and said or yelled "why did you turn it up!!?!?!" and then a second later "oh my gosh the baby is coming out right now!" The nurses amazingly fast threw everything together that was needed for the arrival of the baby and of course paged Salazar right away! 

Well, on the way to my room he gets called into room 10..which was not mine! I was freaking out because I wanted and needed to push SO badly!!! I secretly did a couple of times even though the nurses told me absolutely not to push! I felt so much better actually pushing! I saw my nurse put her gloves on and I thought oh my gosh Salazar isn't going to make it to deliver my baby! I don't remember much at this point, however, I do remember saying over and over again where is Salazar?! A lady came in to the hospital and basically was about to deliver in the wheelchair, so he was called to her room to deliver the baby and that was it. He didn't deliver the placenta or anything, just took off and came rushing to my room! I remember hearing him running down the hall. I was so relieved when I saw him. It was now a little after 730 and I started pushing as soon as he sat down. 3 pushes and baby Scarlet entered this world at 7:39am!!!!! We had no idea what her gender was going to be, so when Salazar said, "it's a girl!!!" that was one of the most amazing moments in my life!! Best surprise ever and if the Lord blesses us with anymore children we will wait to find out! I highly recommend not finding out. It's definitely worth the wait! I had heather paint my fingernails pink shortly after arriving at the hospital, because I had a feeling it was going to be a girl! :)

Angel nurse!

Beautiful baby girl!

Not happy being away from mommy!

Kiki seeing her sister for the first time!

Instant sister love & bond

Now a family of four!!!

 Soooo....after 17.5 long hours of labor, walking,  and going natural would I do it all over again? Absolutely! Would I change anything? Absolutely. Next time I will NOT go into the hospital being severally constipated! Lesson learned! TMI??  Oh well, it's part of my birthing story so I can't leave it out!

Being a mother is the ultimate blessing. It seriously is the best feeling in the world. Having two beautiful daughters could not be more rewarding and I am blessing way more than I deserve. I am so thankful for these two little bundles of joy that my heart feels so overwhelmed with love and joy most of the time! God chose me to be a mother to these angels and I will forever give him the praise and glory for what he's done for me and my family! 

Here is a picture for fun..because I love comparing baby pictures! 

 

Until next time!

One blessed mommy!